yearly posting

it seems that i get on here to post once a year.. i know those of you that follow my parents blog have read alot about me and whats goin on.. so just a quick update from me.. this year i have been trying to make alot of changes and trying to get things in a good order.. after 2 long months of working 45 hour weeks and 30hours of training classes i took all of the tests and endorcements and got my CDL.. so i transfered bath and body works to fairview heights, (stepped down to be a normal associate) and i drive a special needs school bus monday thru friday.. i also take extra charters for field trips and extra events.. i love my job.. it makes me glad that i'm no longer a teenager.. i worry about what my children will have to deal with as they get older.. so i know its not much for now but i will try to post more often..

A long summer

I know i havent been on here for ages.. I left for idaho in june and got back in october.. i had a good time.. i worked 90 hour weeks and rarely had a day off to just rest.. i got sick a few times and had some struggles but thru it all i got things done that i needed to get accomplished to get on my feet again.. i came to some decisions and to some conclusions in my life.. i decided to break things off with corey when i got home for some differences that i just couldnt live with.. in the last few years i have come to trust my feelings and my gut to put it in mild terms.. anyway, not much is goin on with me right now.. i got home from idaho and started workin the next day.. i have worked 45 hour weeks since i have gotten home and on my few days a month i have off i have helped mom finish the "coop" and i have gotten it painted and i finally have a place to call home.. a place i can unpack my things for the first time in almost 2 years and actually have them in the same place as me, and to sleep in my own bed..
i had my kids for almost a week for thanksgiving and they are gettin so big.. i will have pics up later but if you go to my sisters page (leah) i'm sure she has pics posted already.. she rocks and it was so good to see her and her family.. the girls are so big and smart and stinkin cute.. it was nice to see the cousins interact.. i'm very blessed to have an amazing family.. i'm gunna try to post more later.. but its time to go to bed.. gotta work early in the mornin..

remember if you dont love you noone else can..

the last month

Its been a busy month.. i have been working alot and i spent a week with the kids and have tried to spend sum time with the family and with corey before i go to idaho this weekend.. i will be gone for 8 weeks and i will try to post atleast one while i'm gone.. i will be working construction up in the mountians.. wish me luck and pray for my safety.. i will get dad to post sum pics from the last month.. just know that i love my family and that i know how blessed i am to have so many people love me..

Memorial Day

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Today is a day that i keep close to my heart.. Remembering soliders that have fallen and died for me and those that still fight and live to protect us and our families.. I know i have alot of soliders in my family that i dont even know about but i do know about my grandfathers, uncle, father, brother, sister in law, ex boyfriends, many friends and my corey my boyfriend now.. I am so greatful to have so much pride in my family and for so many people that are willing to fight for me and my family.. I know that i remember them more than just one day a year.. They are in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis.. So thank you for what you do and i know that you are in the hands of our heavenly father and he will watch over you and keep you safe..

Sometimes i just dont understand

Ok so i guess i'm gunna share this for some reason or other but maybe just to vent a bit.. I went to work today at a different store to help them do a floorset and i have a very hard time working at that store because it is very unorganized and the employees dont have much pride in thier job.. I was setting a table in the front of the store and there were these 2 kids sitting on a bench in the hall and they couldnt have been but 15 or 16 at the most and they were just making out and getting really hot and heavy.. After about 20 mins and her just about on his lap with families walking by and kids with them and watching as not one person even looked or said a word i couldnt take it anymore.. I walked out and told them that they should be ashamed and they needed to leave.. Come to find out security ended up kicking them out of the mall just a short time later.. I just dont understand when that became such a public thing and why its something that is just over looked like its so normal for 12 and up to be having babies and doing those things.. More than anything it made me sad and then greatful i have amazing parents that taught me what i feel is right..
To have people look at me shocked when they hand me too much change and then i hand it back to them and say you gave me too much and they stand there like i just cured cancer.. I have had people tell me that well you should just keep it its there mistake and maybe its a blessing because i am broke and i havent eaten all day.. I dont understand how any of that makes stealing ok.. I hope that i'm not of a dying breed and that more people are out there than i think that do things all the time to be as honest as they can be with their fellow man..
I find myself struggeling everyday to do what is right and to keep my head up and to know that one day things will get better.. Sometimes i wonder if its a loosing battle.. I work hard to get the little i have and to see some that just dont even try and they have more than they need and they just waste it.. People that have children and abuse them and those who cant seem to have one of their own and would give their life to have one..
I have had to make some hard decisions and i am trying to do what is best.. I am going to go to idaho for 2 months this summer to work and try to get some money in the bank so i can come home and have a place of my own for the first time in almost 2 years.. I'm scared that things are gunna change and that i'm gunna loose sum by going but i feel that i need to do this to make my life a bit better for me and for my kids.. I feel stress creapin in..

Mothers Day weekend

I had a wonderful weekend.. Corey, Sayle, Micheal and I helped mom plant her garden and it was a lot of fun..



We played some soccer and we watched Disney movies.. It was so good to see the kids and spend so much time with them.. The kids got me some flowers and a card.. It was very sweet.. I had to take them back on Sunday and that is always hard to do..



After a long long day at work yesterday of 11 hours I came home and passed out.. So today I'm just chillin and takin my time till I have to go to work again..

I am very blessed to be a mother to my wonderful children they are very good kids and they are my world.. The light in my darkness.. I am also blessed to have Corey around to support and love me how I have deserved.. I am grateful for my family and friends.. I know that I'm headed in a good direction.. Thank you everyone for being with me for it..

a long day

Well the week is over and not too much went down.. I helped my partents put up a fence in the yard and got to spend time yappin with mom.. It was dads birthday on tuesday.. Today i'm getting ready to work 12 hours and my parents are goin to pick up the kids for the weekend.. I'm so excited to see them.. I will post on monday and also put up some pictures from the adventures that we will have..
I sit here and look at the family and how it is nice to see everyone and to read up on them.. I am truely greatful for my family and all they have helped me thru.. I couldnt have asked for a better family.. Sunday is mothers day and let me say that i am very lucky to have the mother that i have.. She is strong, beautiful, loving, generous, kind, faithful, humble, crazy, and down right just the best.. I love you mom..